Prelude to $20,000, or how to rip the ear off a man.

I mentioned once that I managed to win a game of fiscal chicken with an evil company once to the tune of $20,000. Well I'll be telling you that story soon, but for now allow me to give you some back story.

"Wonder what Google Image Search willohmygod..."

High school was coming to a close, I had chosen my college from my list of possibilities and was now beginning to learn some of those life lessons about growing up people always threatened me with. I needed to pay for this education, and this being America, that meant getting a bank to pay it for me and then living under an oppressive shadow of debt until the day I die in some gutter. The second lesson came soon after, no one will loan to some kid without a co-signer, and my family has abyssal credit and assets. So, some broke kid with a poor family now needed someone to co-sign on a loan, things didn't look good. 

My father was a foreman for a construction company at the time, stone work on bridges mostly, and was pretty close with the shifty folks who owned the company. I had fixed the dust-bins they call computers before, and so I had a vague idea on who they were. One guy was pretty docile, he was the face of the business. Polite, relatively intelligent, and clean cut. I met with him first when I arrived to ask for a co-signer. The conversation was pleasant enough, talked about college as an opportunity and a chance to grow as a person and all that, he encouraged me to make the most of it. Somewhere in the middle of it, just as I was relaxing and thinking this would all work out fine, the intercom crackles and someone screams to, "SEND 'EM IN!" So I walked into the second owners office, the older brother of the first man.

Anthony, I remember his name, and he is a very different beast from his brother. I walk from the warmly lit and pleasant atmosphere of one office into the bare and dark office of the other. The room is completely bare save for a desk covered in some kind of dust or powder, and piles of stone randomly distributed about the room. Anthony noisily wipes at some powder on his nose and yells for me to sit down. He then locks eye contact with me and begins shouting.

Yeah, this is roughly what I remember walking into.

I want you to imagine a man with bloodshot eyes and what you can only assume is cocaine covering his desk and nose shouting at you. The whole time he is unblinking, and he never breaks eye contact. Time for the caps-lock key! "YOU ARE GOING TO COLLEGE UNDER MY GOOD GRACES! THIS ISN'T ABOUT FUN, THIS IS ABOUT BUSINESS. WHAT THIS IS, IS AN INVESTMENT. AN INVESTMENT OF MY MONEY, MONEY I EXPECT TO SEE RETURNED TO ME. YOU ARE GOING TO SCHOOL TO LEARN BUSINESS SO YOU CAN GET A JOB IN BUSINESS AND MAKE MONEY SO I CAN GET MY MONEY BACK BECAUSE THIS IS AN INVESTMENT OF MY MONEY SO DON'T THINK THIS IS ABOUT PARTYING OR FUN OR ANYTHING OTHER THEN..." 

The door suddenly opened at this point, no knocking or anything, and for a second I foolishly thought the nightmare was going to end. Instead a large man strides in with a huge grin on his face to announce, "Great news! They reattached Bobby's ear!" and just strolls back out again. Leaving me abandoned. Without ever breaking eye contact Anthony continues. "IF YOU EVER GET INTO A FIGHT IN A BAR OR IN THE STREET OR WHEREVER AND YOU NEED THE FIGHT TO STOP, YOU GRAB THE MANS EAR AND PULL DOWN HARD AND FAST. THE EAR COMES OFF AND THE FIGHT STOPS, THEY CAN REATTACH THE EAR LATER AND THIS IS AN INVESTMENT! AN INVESTMENT OF MY MONEY!"

A roughly to scale model of conflict resolution.

Eventually he trailed off and let me finally leave his office, the whole while all I could think about were severed ears. Papers got signed and I left as quickly as I possibly could, and slowly learned more about the people I was now legally and financially bound to. Now none of this was ever anything I knew for sure, but rather from overhearing things my family talked about and being around that office from time to time. The impression I got was that these people, and the company, were not the most honest or legal of operations. Shady dealings, corners cut, associations with criminals, and a very short amount of loyalty, but they always seemed to like my dad, so I never really worried much about it. Until the accident, that is.

Tomorrow I'll tell you about the accident that resulted in my father getting cybernetic implants, and the $20,000 revenge scheme I undertook. The cybernetic implants thing may be slight exaggeration, but not by much. Turn in tomorrow for the exciting second half!

No work all play.

Today I had no responsibilities, it was rather nice. I could have done things that needed despite that, worked on my next project, or one of the projects that are in progress. Instead I relaxed some, unwound after a long stretch of frenetic business. It wasn't all sunshine and daisies, a good chunk of time was devoted to anxiety, but then I started to re-read A Game of Thrones.

Have you read this yet? If you said no, you should be ashamed of yourself.

I haven't read this book in years, and with the show currently being my favorite thing on the TV, felt it was a good time to pick it back up. Also so I can start the next book when it comes out in July with a good memory of the events prior to it. The Song of Ice and Fire book series is one of my favorite book series, it takes high fantasy by the foot and shakes it violently until all that remains is the core of it all. Instead of focusing on magical beings and impossible odds, we are instead presented with a world of political intrigue and very strong characters. Sure, the world has its magical aspects, but almost all of that is hiding in the backdrop of the world. Magic died out thousands of years ago, dragons haven't been seen for generations, and the world is enjoying a long summer. However, the motto for the Stark family is true, Winter is coming, and with it looms rumors of strange and forgotten things.

The whole world is just so incredibly realized, and when people talk their words drip with history and lore. The story is older then the events you are reading, half remembered events from the past are actively driving the present events, and when the lives of these characters are pulled apart you can feel unseen hands at work. Books rarely make their world feel as alive as this series does, or their characters as alive and vulnerable. If you are disinclined to read, the show is doing a pretty good job at these things as well, and Sean Bean demands you tune in or acquire it for viewing.

He is just thinking about how he will be killing you if you don't.

I am very impressed with just how well the show is handling the adaptation, particularly since so very much of the book isn't simple dialogue. Characters think about things a whole lot, making a switch to a visual medium tricky, but they are doing a great job. The source material means the writing is stellar, the actors are all fantastic, and the sets and costumes are beautiful. If that isn't enough to get you watching then just find a clip of Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister. The man owns the role better then people own their clothes, he oozes personality and subtle cunning. Every scene he is in is just better because he is in it.

"I am awesome, aren't I?"

In other news L.A. Noir continues to be one of my favorite things, as that is what I did when I put the book back down. Also I will tell stories again soon, as opposed to musing of media, I promise. This weekend will see some incriminating stories told for your entertainment.

I get some free time tomorrow!

For the first time in a long while, I will not have something immediately pressing to do tomorrow! It is all very exciting. Granted this is only possible due to a miscommunication and something very important didn't end up getting done today, so I'm sure things will become tricky again tomorrow.

Lets not dwell on that right now, instead lets talk briefly about a movie I watched over and over again as a child. A movie I subjected some friends and housemates to earlier tonight as I eat dinner and unwound. A movie starring a talking cat, a magic bag, and massive leaps of logic.

Whats in the bag? Acid. Lots and lots of LSD.

Felix the Cat the Movie. I actually wore my VHS copy of this movie out as a kid, that is how much I watched this movie. Before we started it I very clearly remembered every scene of the movie, but nothing that connected those scenes. Like remembering what all the pieces of a puzzle look like, but not the final image. Once the movie got started I realized the reason why; there is basically nothing connecting those scenes.

It becomes increasingly obvious as the movie progresses that the people making the movie don't care about the plot of the movie. Characters spout off exposition at break neck speeds, plot related moments zoom along at near light speeds, and villains are evil because they need to be. Or because they value progress and science. Seriously, the filthy capital of the bad guys is Progress City.

"With science, I get to rule with a literal iron first!"

Meanwhile the silly moments stretch on forever, musical scenes with large breasted fish lazily meander along, and puns get more screen time then the death of the villain, who falls down a flight of stairs.

It sounds like I'm bashing the movie, but I actually still love it. It's like watching someone animate an acid trip. The movie isn't concerned with a story, its here to show us some weird shit and some even weirder people in that shit. It is fantastic if you love the surreal in anyway, and if you had a predisposition for any mind altering substances, this movie is begging for you to join in on the fun of a world who's head hunters literally hunt flying heads.

With the amnesiac like grace with which the movie changes settings and handles characters, you just know you are in for a good time. Enjoy this small YouTube based sample of the madness.

 

Seriously, the animation studio must have existed in a haze of pot smoke.

I should really stop saying what I will write in the next post...

So, nix what I said I was going to write about! I will tell those tales, but not for a short while longer; they require pictures and some Photoshopping to get the treatment they deserve and life is a bit too busy just now. Perhaps this weekend.

Instead we shall talk about some current media! I went to the movies after I finished up with some screen printing to unwind, and when I got home I found that my housemate had received his copy of L.A. Noir! No way was I NOT going to sink a few hours into that one.

First up, Priest.

Those eyes... like hes judging me..

 First off, I love Paul Bettany. The guy comes off naturally as an unnatural and casual bad-ass. Sadly his last movie was Legion, which was hilariously bad in many ways but had him co-star with another actor who I love to watch ham things up.

Kevin Durand dares you to mock his hair.

The man is preternaturally smug at all times, I love it. When he showed up in Lost everything was awesome! Then everyone went to heaven in the past and Raptor Jesus shot someone or something. As bad as Legion was, these two at least made it fun. Which kind of happens in Priest, but instead of Pouty McSmugness we got Karl Urban being a fun an eccentric bad guy with little to no clear motivation for his actions.

I'm wacky and evil because... wait, why are the vampires evil again?

That's what the whole movie basically boils down to, its certainly fun and pretty to watch, but if you take a moment to question whats happening you will come up with only more questions. I'm sure the sequel will be more then willing to answer those... no, never mind. The comic its all based on is probably the best bet for anyone wondering about character motivation is my guess. Bottom line is, its a fun action movie with plenty of camp and Karl Urban flying around and miming an orchestral conduction while a city is raped and pillaged.

Now then, the other thing I did in my leisure time.

Robbing gun stores!?

This will be a shorter talk because I have yet to play the whole game, but my initial impressions? Wow. Just wow. On an aesthetic level this game is gorgeous, it has the BEST facial animations I have yet to see in a game, perfect lip syncing, and incredible voice talent. Game play wise this isn't Grand Theft Auto, not by a long shot. This is literally the closest you can come to living out a Noir movie or book. YOU find the clues, YOU grill the suspects and catch them in lies, and YOU solve the convoluted cases of the seedy side of L.A. and Holywood. Its simply amazing, I love watching the faces for tells while questioning someone, calling them out on a lie, and pulling out evidence dramatically, it is exciting and amazingly satisfying. The whole game bleeds style and a love for both the time period and the stories and films of the noir movement, its a dirty little love letter to the whole concept.

Wow. This is a filthy letter ma'am.

The action is good too, tighter then GTA or Red Dead's aiming and cover systems, and largely superfluous to the logic riddles of the crime scene and the cunning matching of wits of the interviews. Which only makes it all the more satisfying when these moments occur, they feel more important then they ever did in the other games, like you worked your way to these conclusions and are finally cleaning house.

Check this game out, even if you don't think its for you, its worth getting a taste for what a major studio can accomplish when it takes a risk and follows a thread its passionate about.

Things are still busy!

So things have yet to slow down, the screen printer I work with is in overdrive and suddenly I'm in his studio every damn day - which is making it difficult to finish the ear prosthetics. One way or another I'll finish those bastards.

It also makes it somewhat difficult to update this here blog the way I wanted today. I was going to talk about the prosthetics I'm working on, but I haven't gotten time to take pictures of the things. I do, however, have some pictures of that chocolate stuff I talked about in my first post!

So today's post is about that!

Aw, isn't he an adorable icon of madness and despair?

This guy is the first casting, so forgive his rough appearance and gimpy eye. I'll be cleaning the mold errors out and learning more about tempering chocolate, so one day he will dazzle! The general form was modeled after a squatting chocolate bunny, but with more tentacles, squid heads, and wings.

Also the Triforce!

The Triforce of Chocolate, just slightly less sought after then the Triforce of power.

One thing I learned while doing this is that when you temper chocolate, if ANY water comes into contact with the melted chocolate, the entire batch will just shit the bed. It turns into a solid mass of uselessness, and it is very sad. All of my methods for flavoring the chocolate with raspberry resulted in this massive waste of precious chocolate, which was kind of maddening. I now know that one needs raspberry oils to flavor chocolate, and wish I knew that when I was melting several pounds of the dark stuff.

These two will pop onto my store in the near future, along with a new desk idol, and a price drop on the massive idols.

Firefox may have crashed twice while I tried to update, but that didn't stop me from living up to my promise to update for you today! Next time: Those things I told you I would write about!

Oh, and any suggestions for Horror movies to watch for the 150 day Halloween countdown?

I'm not dead!

Sorry for the lack of updates everyone! Tomorrow I will return to updating in a reliable fashion and try not to let my life and work creep up on my like this. Tomorrow I will talk about the work I have been doing designing and producing some ear prosthetics and all the fun that entails.

After that I will tell that story about the evil company and the $20,000 like I promised. For right this moment however, I will tell you something I would like to do.

Horror movies have been a big part of my life since as far back as I could remember. Growing up my friends were always talking about Disney movies as they came out, and I was a bit out of the loop. Sure I saw them too, but often I was more excited to talk about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or Graveyard Shift, or Friday the 13th, or any number of horror films I ended up seeing with my Grandma and my Aunt. My friends all had age appropriate movies that they loved when they were 8, I had Alien.

Of course this meant that as I got older I never lost the love of Halloween like my peers did. It never became childish or dumb, it always retained its magic even at the most cynical points in my teenage years. To this day it remains my favorite holiday, and I strive to honor is as best I can.

This year I want to honor it early and often. I want to watch 1 horror movie a day for 150 days, from June 5th to October 31st. This isn't all that much of a stretch for me, I have an unlimited capacity for movies. Take this Friday the 13th that just passed for instance. I got home from a job exhausted, the week had been nonstop, and Thursday had left me broken and with a migraine the night before. By all reasoning I should have just slinked off to bed and tried to sleep for as long as I could. Instead I popped in Friday the 13th and began my celebration of the 13th. When it was all over it was the 14th and I had watched the first 3 Friday the 13th movies (I couldn't stop until he had his mask!) and then proceeded to watch the first 3 Sleep Away Camp movies just for the homages in each to Jason.

So yes, 150 movies will be fun for me, and I'll talk about each one here. Most of the posts will just be minor blurbs about the movie to supplement a post. Some will be full-on reviews or reflections on the movie in question. Either way, it should be a fun experience.

So tomorrow I will return with an honest to goodness post again, and resume updating regularly. I'll also write my first post for the gaming blog I am contributing to, but it won't get posted for a few days I imagine. Oh, also the return of lazy Photoshopping, or at the very least, pictures, to save you from wall'o'texts like this.

Update Pending

New words coming soon, but after I finish the latest clay and polyurethane nightmare and AFTER I get some sleep.